May 02

Banana Bread Broadside

Not been sure what to write about this week. Not because I lacked inspiration but because I lacked motivation.

And because I feared most of my writing would turn into ranting.

Cue Google

“Ask me how to bake banana bread,” said the little microphone-thingy that invites you to engage the Internet in conversation. I do a double take. Yes, I did read that aright.

“Ask me how to bake banana bread!”

Suddenly there I am, staring at my phone. It is 3.15 am. OH is snoring. An owl is hooting. Any right minded person is asleep and Google-microphone-thingy asks me to ask it how to bake banana bread!!

My eyebrow goes into Roger Moore mode.

I am incredulous.

So incredulous that when the dog makes a grab for the duvet, he wins.

So I’m now incredulous and cold and unable to believe what I’m reading.

Words form of their own volition. They escape before I’m aware of their existence.

“It’s 3.15am, Google! I might be awake but I don’t want to bake banana bread!” I mouth.

And as the dog makes another grab for the duvet and, this time, I fight him for it, Google-microphone-thingy shakes its virtual fist at me and skulls off – to plan another (left field bid) to make me talk to the Internet.

And I am left wondering whether I should have taken it up on its offer. Only to remember, as my ponderings get serious, that we don’t have any bananas… and flour, during the apocalypse, is rarer than hen’s teeth.

Good try Google-microphone-thingy

Good try…